Sometimes I shop at Walmart… 

Now, don’t get me wrong: there are some things I really like about Walmart. Namely, low prices and one-stop shopping.

However, if you know me at all you will understand why I hate shopping at Walmart. After all, I am anti- GMO, MSG, HFCS, artificial dyes, fragrances, and sweeteners; antibiotics and other pharmaceuticals, parabens and sulfites, bleaches and propellants, hydrogenated fats and BPA. And I have a strong preference for cotton, wood, glass, and steel over plastic in all its forms. I believe in sustainable agriculture and am proud of putting my money where my mouth is. As you can image, there is a very limited number of items on Walmart shelves that meet these stringent criteria.

 

And lets not forget low wages and less-than-full-time workweek for Walmart employees, children in Guatemala and India sowing the cheap clothes for Walmart, and workers at toxic plants in China making sure we have a stronger purchasing power.

 

But, if I were to be completely honest with myself, there is a deeper, more profound reason why I hate shopping at Walmart.

I look at the people who go there, many obese and in visibly poor health, and I think to myself: “How can all these people be so…so…” So what?…

 

Uninformed?

 

Oblivious to their own health?

 

And then it hits me –

 POOR

 

How can these people be so poor?

 

What I hate most about shopping at Walmart is being confronted with poverty.

I hate to even to begin to think of what it would be like to stand all day at the register making minimum wage and dealing with hundreds of customers with their endless coupons and bad moods. What it would be like to bring items to the register and realize that, with tax and all, I don’t have enough money to pay for them. What it would be like to have to wait for the manager to redeem my WIC voucher with an angry and impatient line of people behind me. I don’t want to think what would be like to feed my children poor quality foods or buying them toys that can potentially be harmful to them. I don’t want to think about any of those things.

 

Because, lets be honest, any of these people standing in line with me at Walmart would rather be sipping local beer at Wholefoods.

Am I a good mother? What makes one a good mother?

These questions come to my mind a lot, and certainly more so on Mother’s Day.

The performance standards for this important job are ever shifting. Do you breastfeed? Do you use cloth diapers? Do you stay home with your kids? Do you keep your kitchen in pristine condition? Do your children obey in public? Do they help you with chores? Do they eat vegetables? Are they engaged in age-appropriate activities that develop their minds and bodies? Do they socialize well with other children? How often do they get sick? Do you read to them every day? Are they learning a foreign language? Do they spend enough time outside? How much TV do they watch? On and on and on goes the list…

These are all good and important aspects of motherhood, and yet none of these things in and of themselves makes one a good mother.

Scrolling through my FB feed yesterday I saw all the pictures and posts about moms posted by proud and grateful sons and daughters. “My mom did so much for me”, “she is such a selfless person”, “now that I am a mom I realize how hard it was for my mom, and I am overwhelmed with gratitude”…

Well, it sound like a definition of a good mom! A sacrificial, selfless person. A good mom (or dad for that matter) is a person who is willing to set aside her dreams, her needs, and her ambitions for the long-term benefit of her children. This is also called LOVE (It finally dawned on me that hatred is not the opposite of love. Selfishness is.)

Unfortunately, it is getting harder and harder to be a good mom. We live in the world that worships selfishness. “Follow your dreams”, “learn to love yourself”, “self-actualize”… I recently heard a lady talk about her decision to leave her husband and children to pursue a new love. She said:  “How could I be a good mother if I am not happy?”  Then she added that even though she has been living happily in this new relationship for the past 10 years her relationship with her kids was still “strained” for some reason. Sad, sad, sad…

Side note: A lot of these messages are actually coming out of the women’s movement. Now, I thought ‘women’s’ meant ‘for women’? English is not my native tongue, so there must be some linguistic or cultural misunderstanding because the women’s movement is actually anti-women. I think it should be renamed from ‘feminism’ to ‘egotism’ as to not confuse us foreigners. 🙂

Selflessness is a hard standard to live up to. I know this from personal experience. If you ask my family of origin they will tell you that I am officially the most selfish person in the family. For a while I actually thought it was an honorary title…Yea, I know… Sad, sad, sad…

I even became a mother for selfish reasons. I felt like I was ‘missing out’ or that my life was ‘not fulfilling’. Little did I know that the moment my son was born my life will forever be full and increasingly filling. 🙂

I finally realized that caring for another person and meeting their needs can be a source of tremendous joy and meaning, for them and for me. Who would have thought, right? Well, actually someone has thought of that long before me. “If you try to hold on to your life you will lose it, but if you give it away you will find it”. And he didn’t even have biological children!

So, the answer to the question: “Am I a good mother?” is ‘I TRY’. And sometimes I am. And hopefully I am getting better at it. I am certainly not as selfless as my mom, but one day I hope to be.

Don’t we all?

Happy (late) Mother’s Day!

P.S. I would like to express sincere gratitude to my husband Seth for talking the older two children to the movies so I can write this post in relative peace and quiet with just the baby on my hip. Thank you, Love!

Before I start writing about Russia, I feel the deed to explain one important detail. I think there is a strong misperception in America about what other counties think about the USA.

Have you ever wondered what people around the world think about America?

Here is how I think Americans see themselves:

–       a land of opportunity and freedom;

–       the defender of democracy and human rights;

–       a Christian nation;

–       a nation with the rule of law;

–       peaceful and peace promoting;

–       generous and hospitable.

Sounds about right?

I believe this is how the world used to see America up until 50 years ago, but not any more.

How does the world see America now? I venture to say that the majority of people in the world see America as arrogant, paternalistic, disrespectful, violent, morally flawed, and greedy.

Don’t believe me? Next time you meet a foreigner (from Mexico, Europe, Iraq, or anywhere else) ask them two questions:

1) How do people in your home county see America?

2) What impact, if any, has America had on your county in the last 50 years?

Then just listen. Don’t interrupt or argue with them, just hear them out.

How has America developed such a major public image problem?

I see two major reasons: #1 American music and entertainment industry, #2 American foreign policy.

#1. Think back to the movies and TV shows you recently watched and to the music you recently listened to. What kind of view would you have about America if those were your only sources of information about this country?

American movies, TV shows, and music are full of drugs, violence, and sex. The entertainment industry portrays American courts as easily manipulated by crafty lawyers; prostitution as rampant; racial minorities as both oppressive and oppressed; police and the government as corrupt and self-serving.

Now, you and I know that that’s not how things really are. Situations portrayed in those shows are exceptions, outliers, and made up stories… But to the rest of the world these movies, TV shows and music are the windows into American values and culture. Are you horrified? You should be.

#2. Image what Ukrainians must be feeling right now towards Putin and his intervention in Ukraine. That’s how the rest of the world is feeling toward America. What Putin is doing in Ukraine is very similar to what the US has been doing in many other counties around the world.

Ever since the end of WWII America assumed a new interventionistic approach to foreign policy. Consider the following fact. Since 1946 America had military interventions in the following counties: Yugoslavia, Uruguay, Greece, Germany, China, Philippines, Korea, Iran, Vietnam, Guatemala, Egypt, Lebanon, Panama, Cuba, Laos, Iraq, Indonesia, Dominican Republic, Cambodia, Oman, Chili, Angola, Libya, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Grenada, Honduras, Bolivia, Virgin Islands, Liberia, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Somalia, Bosnia, Haiti, Congo, Albania, Sudan, Colombia, Afghanistan, Yemen, Macedonia, Pakistan, and Syria (you can find the complete list of US military intervention with years of intervention and reasons for intervention at http://academic.evergreen.edu/g/grossmaz/interventions.html ). That’s a total of 43 foreign nations and over 70(!) military interventions. More than seventy times in the last 50 years America has violated the sovereignty of other nations and sent there its troops.

Depending on a source, there are a total of 189 to 196 counties in the world. Therefore, America has had military interventions in roughly 20-23% of the world. That number does not include non-military interventions such as economic sanctions and some of the America-sponsored cues (remember Ben Affleck’s “Argo”?). Several of these military interventions are still going on.

How many counties during that same time period had military interventions on the territory of the United States? Can you think of any? Well, there was the 9/11 attack… Though this was an attack by terrorist and not by a foreign nation lets count it as one. Any other?

And how many counties since 1946 declared a war against the United States?…. 0.

But, you might argue, America has not been attacked BECAUSE it has been keeping everybody in line with its foreign policy. And you are right: America has been keeping everybody in line, in a very straight and orderly line… America has become the world’s policeman. With its military in one hand and a whip of economic sanction in the other, it whips everyone into submission.

Of course, American always has a good reason to attack, right? America defends the oppressed, promotes democracy, and fights for peace.

Consider for a minute American intervention in Iraq. The official reason for the intervention was that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. Saddam could have used them to kill a lot of people. Did America invade Iraq? Yes. Did people die? Yes. Were the weapons of mass destruction found? No.  Well, at least the people of Iraq were freed from a terrible dictator and are now enjoying freedom and democracy, right? No, they are not. In fact, I recently spoke to an immigrant from Iraq and asked him if life in Iraq got better since Hussein was gone. His response: It has gotten much worse. There were peace and order under Hussein, now there is poverty, corruption, violence, and chaos. The only people in Iraq who have benefited from the new government are people working for American companies or on American contracts. And even these people live in fear because the rest of the country hates them.

If you put #1 and #2 together you will begin to get the picture of why the rest of the world does not like America very much. America intervenes with good intentions: to provide peace, democracy, free market economy, and defend human rights (I do realize there is a darker side to American interventionalism, but for the sake of the argument here, I am going to pretend that things are just as Washington says they are). However, the people around the world see America as deeply flawed and corrupt. It is easy to see then why American ‘help’ (financial, military, consulting, you name it) is often interpreted as a way to subdue and dominate other counties, and make them dependent on America.

Here is the message that the American people need to hear: Mind you own business. Stop playing a role of the ‘big brother’. Other people don’t necessarily share your values, and they see your many flaws. Deal with your own problems before you teach other how to run their lives.

Here is another thought: if America treated its own people the way it treats other counties there would have been a civil war. In fact, what we are seeing around the world right now is an insurrection against America and NATO and their influence around the world.

I think it is time for America to wake up and realize that a terrible, destructive influence its entertainment media and foreign policy has had on America’s image around the world.

American has so many fine qualities, such as generosity, tolerance, humility, justice, and peacefulness. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t get to see them.

If America doesn’t change its foreign policy and continues to engage in  “promotion of democracy” and “nation building” America will have to keep engaging in new wars costing more lives and money. This policy will continue to hurt American image around the world and antagonize more and more nations, creating the need for more and more interventions, driving American into financial bankruptcy. Is it what you really want, America?